Q. Hello Diva. May I ask you some questions? I interviewed Henry a few days ago.
A. I don’t do interviews. Why did you interview Henry first? You like him best, don’t you?
Q. Uh, no – I like both of you the same. Instead of an interview can we just have a conversation?
A. Okay, but you have to bring me a treat first. My time is valuable.
30 minutes later.
Q. I got you a bag of treats and a mouse toy. Is that okay?
A. The treats are fine. You can give the toy to Henry. I’m not a kitten, you know.
Q. You must be proud of your brother. Do you help him with his writing?
A. I’m the ghost writer behind the ghost writer. I give him ideas for the books and he writes them down. In “Deep Water,” somebody shoots at him, and in “Silent Waltz” he gets kidnapped. I like putting him in danger.
Q. Henry is from Shenandoah County. Where were you born?
A. I was born in Georgetown, South Carolina, but I went to a shelter because my parents didn’t want me. My humans rescued me when I was two years old.
Q. Author Ronald Paxton is your human. Does he treat you well?
A. Yes. He takes care of my food and water, changes my litter every day, and brushes me. The only bad thing is that he’s always trying to get me to play. Oh, and he pets me like a dog. That’s okay; he doesn’t know any better. Males aren’t very smart.
Q. I know that Henry is a brilliant Monopoly player. I’ve heard that you play, too, but sometimes you get disqualified. Is that true?
A. Don’t get me started! I’m just as good a Monopoly player as Henry. I’ve been leading every time I’ve been disqualified. Henry’s just afraid of losing.
Q. What do you like to do when you’re not helping Henry and your human write their next book?
A. I like to sleep on the floor vents when the weather is cold. It keeps me warm and I don’t have to share the heat. Sometimes I sneak up on Henry when he’s asleep and slap him on the head. One time I peed in his food bowl, but my human found out and punished me.
Q. That’s mean. Don’t you love your brother?
A. Of course. I love him with all my heart. I’m just teasing him.
Q. That’s nice. Is it okay if I tell Henry how much you love him?
A. Do you see these claws? If you tell Henry what I said I’ll tear your head off and spit down your neck. This conversation is over.